Joy and Nerves!

The weeks leading up to Sunday the 19th were great, I was excited and had no fear what so ever.
The Sunday before at Lifeline I was light up and couldn't wait, still no fear.
I think it really hit me on Wednesday when the actual nervousness hit me.
 I could hardly breathe, waiting for 5:00 pm to come around and meeting Abby my leader early for the "before" meeting.
Abby and I waited in line for Yesterdog; I didn't get any cause I had butterflies.
 The meeting was great and I was happy with my spot (Third person to go) that's when the shaking set in.
Abby and I went downstairs but I went back up to get my Niece Makenzie, hoping she would help with my shaking.
 When Brady called us up I started to freak out and had to remind myself to breathe.
After we sang and Brady spoke, our "pod" went up to wait, if you could see me in the dark I was literally shaking from head to foot, my heart raced and of course my speech increased because of my nerves. 
Aaron called my name and I had just enough strength to remember how to walk and not fall getting into the tub.
God is the only one who knows what was going on in my head and my heart, I can try and explain what I was feeling other than nerves!
 I was overwhelmed with fear AND joy at the same time.
Everything in my heart told me, "Everyone you Love is waiting, everyone you love is sitting in this room." and my mind was telling me, "Slow down stupid! Is that really how my voice sounds? Are they staring... Well duh they are staring!"
And everything I said I was happy with, I worked on that for a year, what I would share and is this what I want.
 I've been a swimmer since I could swim, I've LOVED the water my whole life; Nothing felt as amazing as letting go and holding your breath, coming up and knowing everyone I love will never see me the same.
-Side note, my little brother Jacob wanted me to say afterwards, "I feel Holy." But I wasn't going to ;)
Overall, would I do it again? YES.
My timing? God's plan had me getting baptized at 15, I'm not going to argue with that!
Do I regret anything? Yup, I regret being scared and nervous.
If I could give advice it would be? Be strong! This is your chance to give someone else the encouragement to get baptized!!!
My favorite part? The water! and hugs afterwards!!!

God can do anything and everything! I'm an example of His gracious Love!

Thank you to everyone who came and everyone who was just there :)

Yup sorry for the selfie!

And my favorite song:


My foes are many, they rise against me
But I will hold my ground
I will not fear the war, I will not fear the storm
My help is on the way, my help is on the way

Oh, my God, He will not delay
My refuge and strength always
I will not fear, His promise is true
My God will come through always, always

Troubles surround me, chaos abounding
My soul will rest in You
I will not fear the war, I will not fear the storm
My help is on the way, my help is on the way

Oh, my God, He will not delay
My refuge and strength always
I will not fear, His promise is true
My God will come through always, always

I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord
I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord
I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord
I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord
From You Lord, from You Lord

Oh, my God, He will not delay
My refuge and strength always
I will not fear, His promise is true
My God will come through always, always

Oh, my God, He will not delay
My refuge and strength always, always





My favorite verse from that is, "I will not fear the war, I will not fear the storm."



Love is here, Love is now.
          -Ashley

Nervousness

It's being afraid of what's to come.
It's holding out your hand and shaking violently.
Your pulse racing, your heart beating unevenly.
 The butterflies in your stomach.
Steady the breathing and flushed cheeks, she shows her nervousness.

The feeling of hearing the words, I love you, whispered in a large crowd.
 Catching someone staring, the somersaults your heart and stomach go through.
Humming of others talking, laughing and smiling.

Hold my hand, make me blush, don't ever let me go.

Innocents

We don't get to choose who we become, our choices and decisions are what make us who we are today.
 God's plan is perfect, we do doubt, scream, kick and bite to go our way, God knows what's best and it's best to let go to God.
Things can be colorful and bright some days, and so black and white on others; you never know which side of me you'll get.
Psalms 139:14  has been my favorite verse since I was old enough to understand and acknowledge God and the Bible.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.

We are not great people, sin has corrupted the perfectness God had made us.
Keep your eyes open cause Satan comes in the night.

John 10:10
 A thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

Now, on a happier note this Sunday I am getting baptized at my youth group.
The verse that will be with me in my mind is:

Esther 4:14
    ^"For if you remain silent at this time, someone else will save the Jews, but you and your father’s family will perish. And who knows, you may have been chosen queen for such a time as this?”

I am so scared and nervous to share my story beyond my family and certain friends.
I want to represent my life and my story in a way where you can see God shine through me and everything I do.
From this moment on I want to Love fully, have Hope and Joy.

 For once in my life I've felt like I belong, God has given and provided exactly what I needed at the right moment. 
I will end with one of my favorite songs! 

 What if You would've never sent Your Son
What if You held back Your love
It would be so different there would be no hope for us
But that's not the way it all went down
We're covered by mercy now
Could've found us guilty but You chose to save us

We are, we are, we are innocent
We are, we are blameless
'Cause You take all the shame
And You wash it away
'Til we are, we are innocent

You make us, You make us, You make us innocent
You make us, You make us, You make us innocent

So we can finally rest tonight
We can finally say goodbye
To the past that held us
To the fear that ruled our lives
I know we're gonna fall sometimes
Nobody's got a perfect life
Could've found us guilty but You chose to save us

We are, we are, we are innocent
We are, we are blameless
'Cause You take all the shame
And You wash it away
'Til we are, we are innocent

You make us, You make us, You make us innocent
You make us, You make us, You make us innocent

We are dancing 'cause we know we're Yours
You are, oh, You're what we're living for
We were lost, oh yea, but now we're coming home, we're coming home

You make us, You make us, You make us innocent
You make us, You make us, You make us innocent

We are, we are, we are innocent
We are, we are blameless
'Cause You take all the shame
And You wash it away
'Til we are, we are innocent

You make us, You make us, You make us innocent
You make us, You make us, You make us innocent

You make us, You make us, You make us innocent
You make us, You make us, You make us innocent

 

Summer troubles.

Red flustered cheeks, hot with frustration.
She held back tears as he let her go, looking over his shoulder at the girl he was leaving.
He had no connected feelings like she did; he was her dream.
Out of high school he was free, she was stuck with the others for another three.
He wouldn't think of her, she knew he wouldn't.
With tears she holds back, puts on her brave face for the man walking away.
Her heart beats fast as she runs for him, screaming his name, as he turns she hugs him for all she knows the last time to see his perfect face.
He laughs at how silly she is acting, the tears sliding down her face she whispers, "I love you."
She couldn't bare to see his reaction, walking away, back to the car waiting for her.
Her heart split in two as he walks away.